The shift in the meaning of the term "elope"

If you ask your parents what they think the term “elope” means, they’d say something along the lines of, “she’s pregnant, and the family doesn’t approve of the marriage, so they’re spontaneously running away in secret to elope.”

And what if I told you they were wrong? Don’t believe me? This definition is taken directly from the Merriam-Webster website under the term “elope.”

“Elope's meaning is shifting towards "a small destination wedding" whereas it used to mean "to run away and secretly get married," and before that "for a married woman to run away with a new lover," and even before that it just meant "to escape or runaway" without the romantic context.” (Merriam-Webster)

The term “elope” used to carry a negative connotation, but within the wedding industry, that’s no longer the case. That’s why I’m here! To let you, your friends, and your family know that what they thought they knew about elopements, has shifted over time.

The way I define an elopement is this: an elopement is an intimate wedding day that’s specifically and uniquely crafted to the couple’s values and beliefs as they commit their lives to one another.

So why is this important? Why have I been talking SO much about elopements?

Well, for a few reasons, 1. over the past few years, couples have been breaking the social traditions that come with weddings and are choosing to elope instead, and 2. we’re in the middle of a pandemic here, people. 

Let’s break it down a bit more:

BREAKING SOCIAL TRADITIONS:

Over the past few years, couples around the world have been breaking the societal pressures that come with having a wedding. Not feeling a bouquet toss? Don’t do it. Do you hate cake and love donuts? Cool, then serve donuts as dessert instead. Do you feel uncomfortable wearing a dress? Pantsuits and jumpsuits are fabulous too. These are the little things that come to mind when you think about a traditional wedding day, but are they really what your wedding is supposed to be about?

Now here comes one of the hardest decisions of planning, you either pay someone to plan this day for you, or you do it yourself and spend countless hours finding vendors, deciding on a color scheme, doing and redoing the seating chart, and trying to convince yourself that it’s okay your mother-in-law wants you to invite all of her second cousins.

During planning, if at any time you felt like you were too overwhelmed by the guest list or the pressures that come with planning a wedding, then consider an elopement. 

Elopements are meant to be about you, and your partner, and your commitment to one another. When eloping, you’re allowed to skip the long guest list and invite the people who mean the most to you. You’re allowed to incorporate your own personal traditions based on your beliefs and interests and you’re allowed to celebrate your love and commitment to one another, without the societal pressures.

GETTING MARRIED IN A PANDEMIC:

As I write this (February 2021), we’re in the middle of a pandemic, obviously. 

My heart goes out to you if you had a wedding planned in 2020, rescheduled to later in 2020, rescheduled again for 2021, and are now looking ahead this year and are unsure if your wedding day is ever going to happen the way you envisioned. I really do feel for you, and I understand the frustration, stress, and hurt it’s caused you. 

If you’re someone who planned your wedding and loved every second of it, and felt confident in every decision you made, and are ecstatic at the large guest list, then good! I’m so glad you chose to do what you wanted to do, and I’m so sorry that this pandemic has put a wrench in your plans. I’m hopeful that 2022 will be your year!

But if you’re someone who felt like this quickly turned into planning a family reunion than your wedding, or felt that there was a standard you had to live up to, then having a small wedding or elopement in 2021, might be for you.

SO, WHY ARE ELOPEMENTS ON THE RISE DURING THE PANDEMIC? 

Large gatherings aren’t allowed right now due to government mandates which means guests lists are going to have to be small. Elopements are essentially small weddings.

Elopements have hit an all time high this past year due to a combination of breaking tradition and the pandemic. You’d be surprised at how many times I’ve heard:

• “We wanted a small wedding, but we ended up planning a big wedding (for whatever reasons), and now covid has given us an excuse to do what we wanted from the beginning.”

• “We originally had a big wedding planned, but we still wanted to get married (safely), so we cut our guest list, went forward with a small wedding and we are so happy with the way it turned out.”

• “We wanted a big wedding, we ended up having a small wedding, and we feel so much stress lifted off our shoulders. We kept waiting and hoping for so long, we just went ahead with it and it was the best decision we could’ve made.”

I’m very much a, “I see the glass as half full” kind of person, so even though getting married this year may cause some tension when thinking about what you wanted versus what you’re going to do, I’m still so optimistic that the day can be just as special and incredible, like you’ve always dreamed. 

Do you want to know one of the benefits of a small wedding? Adventure. I don’t mean just outside, hiking on a trail kind of adventure. I mean something new, and exciting, and better than you imagined. You can go just about anywhere within the US and Mexico right now, and bring your tribe with you to say “I do.” This is your opportunity to say “no thanks” to the things you’ve felt required to do because that’s what someone else told you that’s how it’s done. 
I know you’re not in an ideal situation, and it feels like it’s all out of your control. But I believe that you have more control than you think and I’m confident with the right group of people surrounding you, they can help you make the best out of the situation you’re in!

I have hope, and I have ideas! If you’re struggling to envision a new kind of wedding day, then come chat with me! I want to help you figure out your options and right now I’m offering free 15 minute consultations for couples who are hoping to get married in 2021 and need some help brainstorming their wedding day options. To sign up for a consultation, scroll down to my “Ask Me A Question” form and mention the consultation!

If you’re excited about the thought of an elopement (yay, I am too!!), check out my blog post with details about elopements, here.